Goodbyes

I've been thinking a lot about goodbyes lately. The end of a school year always means people will leave. Tomorrow, I will say goodbye to two teachers, one of whom has been an incredible mentor over the last years, and one classmate. Tonight we said goodbye to the Buttons, who have been our close family friends for the last seven years. Mr. Button was one of the first people we met here, and the children, Abigail and Alex, were practically my little siblings for a while. We have spent a lot of time with this family, and it's sad to say goodbye.

On Saturday I have to say goodbye to my good friend, Cariel. Cariel has been here since everything started to fall apart with being sick and everything, and she is an incredibly good friend. I have said goodbye to good friends before, but she has stood with me through a lot, and saying goodbye this time seems extra painful. I still have 48 hours, and we plan to meet up when I go to College, but until then, this is goodbye.

When you say goodbye to a really close friend, you always promise to stay in touch. And if they're a really good friend, you might actually do so. But it is never the same. You cannot share what's really going on, because writing an email isn't the same as talking face-to-face, and a deep message only reminds you more that the person is not there with you and you may not see them again, yet they are also still partially available. I don't know if this makes any sense... but I think that's part of why some of us are so bad at staying in touch. It's easier to pretend the person no longer really exists as you knew them, especially because they can change and you may not know it.

The next two months will be strange, but I've done it before, so it's not so bad. When we go back to the US, there's always this joy to see all of my friends. And of course, because of the culture at our church, it's kind of like going to somewhere with about a hundred family members. The number has decreased over time, but it's always the same: a hug, "I'm so happy to see you", a two minute conversation, and move on to the next person. With our really close friends, we go out for a few meals or spend a good amount of time with them. And then you say goodbye, ready to resume life here again. It is always painful. The last two times I even cried when I had to leave the church the last time. Now I realize that that is an overreaction. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't appreciate the people, it's not that I don't care or feel sad. It's just that as soon as you say goodbye, you have to move on again.

After a friend left last year in October, I promised myself that I would never cry when I said goodbye again. No matter what And I intend to keep that promise. I know a lot of people who seem to feel the same way. After years of goodbyes and the loss of almost all really close friends, it does not get easier. You just push the difficulty away. It may not be the best option, but that's what a lot of us do (whether we are willing to admit it or not). It is the easiest way to manage.

I guess I put this up, as incoherent as I am at this moment, in the hopes that some people in the US will understand the difficulties this portion of life for those of us who have had friends move away constantly, or who have moved around too many times themselves, and that friends here think about the way we say goodbye to each other. Next year, we will all go our separate ways. We will be distributed across several continents. I don't know, that may be a lot harder, but on the other hand, maybe it will be easier than being left behind, or a superficial hello-goodbye thing. Surely it must be easier to say goodbye and move on, than to just be left behind.

The last thing I want to say is some lyrics from one of my favorite songs. I think it speaks for itself...

"Things are changing
It seems strange and
I need to figure this out
You've got your life
I got mine
But you're all I cared about
Yesterday we were laughing
Today I'm left here asking
Where has all the time gone now
I'm left alone somehow
Growing up and getting older
I don't want to believe it's over
Don't say goodbye
Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight
Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye"

--"Say Goodbye", by Skillet

Plans, life, school, moving on... excitement!

So, as I promised a few people, this is about our plans for the summer, and what I'm thinking about university.

My mom and I leave next Saturday night for the US... Yay! I'm looking forward to seeing everyone. I'm especially excited because in our first few days there, my friend Jon, who I practically grew up with since I was one, is graduating high school. My mom and I will be staying with him and his family, and going to his graduation. I'm so excited to see them and get to be there for all of this.

My mom and I will stay in Virginia for about two weeks. I have a huge list of things I want to do before that, though. Here's part of the list. Haha, I figured that I'd put it up for all of the people who are trying to figure out what people like me miss and look forward to. So, here it goes (for the record, it isn't in any particular order):

1. Eat ribs
2. Eat ice cream
3. Go to church at Truro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!
4. Spend time with our family friends :)
5. Spend time with my friends
6. Go to a mall for half an hour before I get overwhelmed and run away
7. Go to a book store
8. Go to a guitar store to get supplies.
9. Spend a few hours looking at stuff in, get how sophisticated I am in my shopping, Walmart.
10. Take a walk around the lake near the house I lived in.
11. Go into DC. I need to find a friend to do this with me!!!! I really, really, REALLY want to see the monuments again, and go to the Natural History museum. If anyone is interested in taking the metro in with me let me know :)
12. Go to Panera
13. Get through the required, immediate reverse culture shock as easily as possible. I don't know why, but I always have a tough time adjusting back at first. It's a totally different culture. Honestly, I know America is a diverse country, but I can't help freaking out at first when I realize that the majority of people are white. It's totally bizarre. And getting used to the way/things people talk about life... it's always a little bit special.

My mom and I head out of Virginia on the 4th of July. I know, I know, we're not very patriotic to fly that day. But honestly, it's not really my country right now, I just like the fireworks. We'll get to Oregon on the 4th, which is cool. I'm looking forward to seeing my family there.

My dad will meet up with us in Portland, and we'll go up to Seattle. All of the colleges I'm looking at are in Seattle. We'll have a few days to look around at them, which I'm looking forward to, and we'll get time to wander around the city I'm going to be living in about 15 months from now. Here's a list of the universities I'm looking at, the websites, and a little information about each, if you're interested. They are arranged in order of the ones I'm most interested in, at the moment...

1. Seattle Pacific University. It's a Christian university with about 4000 students. I like the size, and it's not far from the main parts of Seattle. I'm really interested in this one for so many reasons. First of all, they offer good scholarships for missionary kids. They also have a strong Mukapa program. This is a re-entry support program for missionary kids, which I think could be really helpful given that my parents will still be here. Plus, all of the students that I've gotten to know from SPU are freaking awesome (hehem Morgan, Arianna even though you don't go there, Hannah, Leah, Tara, Carissa...) If anyone is extremely interested (not sure why, but hey, you could be), you can find out more about it at http://www.spu.edu/
2. Pacific Lutheran University. This isn't really Christian, despite the name, but seems to be a really good school in Tacoma, so not too far from Seattle. They offer pretty decent financial aid, it's about the same size as SPU, and it seems like it would be a good transition from the IB program because they brag on their website about "balance" and "academic rigor with balance". Again, you could look at it at http://www.plu.edu/.
3. University of Washington. Hey, why not? It's a good school, with a lot of options, an awesome location, and a good culture. The main issue I have with it is the size. 40,000 students is about 200 times the size of my high school!!!! I don't think I can do that. Plus, the financial aid isn't great. That said, it's a fantastic school, so it's definitely an option!
4. University of Puget Sound. UPS is in Tacoma, and about the same size as PLU and SPU in terms of students. It seems like a fine school, and I like the size, but there's nothing I'm really excited about it for, but the financial aid isn't bad. http://www.pugetsound.edu
5. Well, it's not in Seattle, but I'll apply to Stanford just for the fun of it. I don't know if I'd actually go there because of the culture, the location, the cost, but I just want to see if I get in.

So, those are the universities I'm looking at. We'll see, I'll get to see them this summer and make a decision next year. I just know that I want to go to Seattle. It's cold, it rains a lot, I love the North-West, there are mountains around, there's water, there's great coffee, and I've been adopted so far by 4 families for holidays and breaks. So that's cool.

My parents and I will then go down to Fresno, CA to see family, and then we fly back to Virginia. We'll be there from the 23rd to the 30th.

Here's something really awesome: we saved a ton of money by flying Turkish air, stopping in Istanbul. So, we're spending three days in Istanbul on the way back. YES!!!

I can't wait for this summer. I'm just sad because while we're gone Cariel and her family will leave :( It's very sad... She's been one of the most incredible friends I've ever had. She came when everything was falling apart, and I'm so grateful that she's been her through it all. I'll miss her!

It feels so awesome and strange to be looking at the places I'll spend the next four years of my life, on my own. I'll be moving to a different hemisphere... on my own. It's cool, it's exciting, it's overwhelming, I guess this magnitude of change just comes with growing up, especially in a different continent!